Gay men: what makes a man gay

There is the thing that many people always think when the gay question crops up to them whether in their own mind or when they are in a conversation with someone else. It is this: is being gay nature or is it nurture?

This nature/nurture controversy has been argued everywhere, particularly in Christendom where the clergy would tell you that anyone who is gay has chosen that particular life for himself or herself. That there is no such thing sanctioned or deemed to be acceptable in the bible or in the other Holy Scriptures. Hence, the gays had chosen to offer their asses up to be sodomized by other men and the lesbians had chosen to get their hooks into other women by design and not by nature.

However, there seems to be a lot of controversies surrounding this as the gays seem to have another view of the matter and some straights even think differently, outside the box, than their other counterparts. There are some straight persons that say that the gay question is one of nature and not nurture or that there is the possibility that there is a role to be played by Nurture in this purview.
In the nurture perspective, we see that there might be some truth in that as some research seems to suggest. Take for example the fact that in an all-male prison where is a total lack of female companionship, some men then turn to their fellow men for the pleasures they would ordinarily have taken and gotten from their women. Even married men who had never had any same-sex sexual encounter before in their entire lives find themselves ‘doing’ their fellow prisoners. And
then, when they finally get out of prison, they revert back to heterosexuality and never look at another man again but in the prisons the more sexually active men get it on with other prisoners for long.

The same here is true for a school that is all-boy, and the students have to live in the school hostels as opposed to those that come from their homes. The male students there in boarding school develop a serious affectation for their fellow guy students and even go the whole mile or hog of having sex with these other boys very surreptitiously in the hostels when they think that there is no one watching them. They have full blown sex with their fellow male students and this may seem to the public to be a passing phase of their lives because many of them do not repeat this when they finally get out of the boarding school and have access to the females.
But for some they continue with this same-sex sexual interaction throughout their lives, continuing even when they get married and go on to have their own families years later. These ones marry because of the societal pressures they face to get settled, and this is especially true in a country like Nigeria which places quite a lot of pressure on folks, particularly the males, to get married and procreate offspring for the purpose of continuing the family lineage.

The society thinks quite that the homosexuals_ let this be the word to be used here because of the fact that the matter is considered extremely serious because the act of homosexuality is even criminalized in some countries, Nigeria coming to the fore of the list_ choose to live that particular lifestyle, that it is a choice and not a part of their genetic makeup.

However, all the gay guys I have interacted with over the course of the years have made it clear that they did not choose to become part of this unwanted part of the society; that they were born this way. Many stress it out thoroughly that this is not the life they would have chosen for themselves if they’d had the chance to choose the way they would have want their antennas of sexual attraction to turn. They argue in favor of the nature argument/dichotomy.

And then, the question will now crop up: which of the two sides is right? Nature? Nurture?

Many people, even those in the straight world, have their own opinion about this. Some say that the gays are misunderstood, that they are still on the quest for what they want for themselves. Others say that the gays are just plain silly, leaving the women_ or the men as the case may be_ for their own deluded, twisted fantasies and their dalliance with the members of the same sex.

But then, to tell the truth, there are certain people_ men who have sex with other men_ that have refused to admit to take on that gay label. Many of them will tell you that they have no use whatsoever for the labels of the society, hence their refusal to say that they are gay or bisexual. They go about and have sex with the guys they can get to pull their pants down for them, but they will never have any label pertaining to the issue of sexuality attached to them. They seem to be the freeloaders of the society, with the attitude that their sexual preferences is not the business of any person except themselves and whoever it is they choose to pair off with at any given time.

And then there is also the fact that there are the biblical allusions to the abomination of being gay. Read Leviticus 18:22. It may seem to be a bit harsh, but the fact remains that many people will condone a lot of moral vices but will not countenance the fact that a guy has chosen to sleep with another guy. In a country like Nigeria, a political thief who has siphoned off millions of public funds into his own personal accounts abroad is given a handshake by his people in the village who are feeding from hand to mouth instead of having him punished, but a gay guy who has the misfortune of being outted, feels the brunt of the hatred of his family and kin. So much for live and let live, yes?

What do you all think of the gay question? Is it a part of nature for those concerned, or is nurture? A choice they had taken pertaining the sexual preferences they would want to have? Is there a thin dividing line? Is it all written in black and white?


About kingsleyadrian

Kingsley Adrian Banks is the owner of K. Ä. B. Media, a freelance legal Writing service for busy corporate firms in need of superior content but cannot do it themselves. contact:
This entry was posted in Disaster, Education, Freelancer, Gay, gay life in nigeria, Gays in Nigeria., homophobia in nigeria, Homosexualism in Nigeria, Lifestyle, National Issues, Sex and sexuality, Sexuality, Writer and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Gay men: what makes a man gay

  1. Pingback: How to use social media for career success | Kingsley Adrian Banks

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